Golden Pink Diary: Entry #3 “I needed healing.”

So sad and drained from the past but so happy to be back. I’ve missed blogging so much and it feels like it’s been much longer than a week since my last post. There’s always so much going on and this time I just needed to step back for a moment. Take a breather. It led me to the break before I became broken. That’s what I’m calling my week long break.

I’m that one friend/family member that everyone come to for advice on personal problems, I’m the one that people come to when they just need someone to listen to their problems, someone who won’t immediately judge or be too hard on them. I’m the one that people are just usually most comfortable coming to.

I love this I really do, it let’s me know that I’m here for a greater purpose. It let’s me know that what I believe my purpose to be is true. I love inspiring, and being there for others to vent to, that’s exactly what I’ve been doing! It makes me feel good to know that people can trust me that much. 

At the same time it can be very overwhelming, draining, and stressful. Sometimes I need to take a step back because as much as I’m trying to be there for everyone else 

I’m neglecting myself. 

I think a few people have even gotten too comfortable and selfish without realizing it. I can be there for you only as much as I’m physically and emotionally able to, but understand that I have my problems too… Yet I’ve constantly put them aside for everyone else.

At some point I have to recharge. 

At some point I have to give myself a chance to heal.

People have said I should consider being a counselor or psychologist but that’s the exact reason I’m not interested, it would be way too draining and stressful for me. I think I need one myself actually, and I’d be so focused on my patients, a counselor should be focused on their patient but there has to be a balance. Lately I’ve been out of balance neglecting my own wellbeing. I also did end up getting sick last week so there’s that. But no, it’s never ending. Unfortunately my friend went through something very traumatic and I needed to be there for her regardless of the things I’ve been going through. She really had no one else and I know exactly how that feels. If you remember from my To Do Lists last week, we had already made plans to hang out and catch up, we just didn’t know it would happen in the way that it did. It’s not my place to share her personal business so that’s not what I’m here to do, but I will be hoping and praying that things get better soon for everyone involved.

Everyone seems to be having a hard time. But not too many people seem to be understanding of the others situation or position.

Sometimes life just makes you question what you’ve done to deserve certain things, or what the lessen you’re supposed to learn is because it usually doesn’t make much sense at first. As much as you’re tired of hearing it, I’m tired of saying it but it’s true- life is short. It’s also unpredictable.

You never know what’s going to happen, when, or to who. That’s why we shouldn’t be taking life for granted, having petty arguments, or holding grudges but of course, we’re human. We’re not perfect and we have feelings, we have tainted thoughts. We’re trying.

At least I am. 

Father’s Day was Sunday. I knew I probably wouldn’t see my dad, I mentioned that. He works a lot, sometimes in different states. Sometimes it’s hard to reach him at all. But I mentioned that I knew we would still talk if only a moment. We did. He told me that my sisters took him out to eat and that he wished I was there. It kind of hurt a little for different reasons but mainly because I wondered why my sisters didn’t reach out to me. They know I don’t drive so I wouldn’t have been able to on my own and it wasn’t just some party I didn’t want to attend. Then I realized that I couldn’t remember celebrating any Fathers Day either. I grew up in foster care and with other family members, everyone but my parents. It wasn’t his fault. He had to be away and work so much because of my mom. My sisters were older and had their own mom. I guess what happens in the past kind of sets the tone for the future. I don’t know, my family has always been odd. Myself included yes of course, but I love my father and sisters with every part of me. Regardless of how odd our relationship is and I know they feel the same.

While all of this was going on I was still working on a project, a group project actually. I could have said I wouldn’t be participating because I wasn’t feeling well but that would leave my other group members a partner short, it also seemed like it would be fun so I stayed in. Working in groups isn’t everyone’s strong point I know. People clash, not everyone will agree on ideas, some people may want to be in charge of everything, things can get out of hand quick. This group project proved that immensely. I didn’t think we would even be able to work together but guess what? Things can also quickly turn around. We had a very rough start but we were able to put the differences aside and let teamwork and maturity take place. We put some great ideas together and came up with something nice I think! That’s all that matters, that something negative could still be turned into a positive. That’s the mindset I’m trying to keep in my life. It hasn’t been easy but I never expected it to be. I just have to keep going even when obstacles slow me down a while.

I have a few updates coming in the morning.💗

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Golden Pink Diary: Entry#2 “Numbers & Content” Does it matter?

I’m here writing out another diary entry. I do not plan or edit these, I just write. Today I want to talk about followers, and the amount of followers you have for certain projects or content you post.

Recently I shared a new project, the Summer Party Playlist Project, for Fun Friday actually. I shared it with Instagram so that some of you may see it if you weren’t on WordPress at the time. Also because that’s just a part of promoting your blog on social media.

Well, someone on social media commented on my IG stating that I “MUST” have a certain amount of followers for the type of content I post, and that she could help me if I send her a message. Apparently she has some type of promotion business, I don’t know, the comment was a turn off so I didn’t care to message or check her advertisements out. To me it was kind of rude. You don’t go on someones post, especially something they worked so hard on and say “oh you don’t have enough followers for this, let me promote myself and help you out.”
No matter how nice you try to put it, DON’T DO THIS!

If she really wanted to help me out, she could have messaged me instead of commenting under my picture, and telling me to messaged her for promotion. She since went on to delete her comment, I guess because I didn’t respond at all.

It did make me think though. I have only 145 followers on IG, so I understand my content there won’t reach too many people but if you use hashtags they reach many more depending on which ones you use. My blog however, now has 500 followers.

YES! I finally reached 500 followers and I’m so excited! If you read my Hello June post you know that one of my goals this month was to reach 500 so thank you all so much who have followed, and SPECIAL thanks to those of you who constantly read and comment on my posts. You all are part of the reason I continue to blog as much as I can and haven’t given up yet. My passion for writing and inspiring helps out a lot too lol. But again, thank you so much! I will be thinking of something, possibly a Q&A for this Friday. Stay tuned to find out exactly. I’ll let you all know by Wednesday.

Anyways, back to what I was saying…

I wondered if maybe she was right, maybe I do need a certain amount of followers for projects I share. Or maybe nobody is really that interested. So far no one has said they would for sure be participating in my Summer Party Playlist Project, I had a few “If I find the time I will” but sometimes that translates to a no in the nicest way, or forgetting. Which I understand, I’m sure I’ve done it before too. I’m sure many of you are also very busy so I understand that. But, I also said that the deadline would be July 1st, and if there are more participants it would basically be all summer long. I wanted to give plenty of time so that people could have time. I know that most of us aren’t usually able to jump right into something.

But I also wondered if people are just not interested, or just didn’t actually read the post because the project is in the top 5 for the most amount of views and likes according to my stats. Maybe some of you like the idea but don’t want to join in? Eh.. Maybe some of you liked it so you could come back to it later?

Because of this, a good part of my weekend was me deciding whether not I should continue the project or delete it and wait until I have a larger audience. I decided that I would make my final decision by the end of this week.

Obviously I don’t want to share or host something that no one is interested in. What’s the point of that? This also isn’t a beg for you all to participate, because honestly if you don’t want to or it’s not interesting to you, I’d rather not have people do it because they feel forced. That’s no fun for either of us but these are my thoughts and feelings and I wanted to share them with you all and get feedback.

So what are your thoughts, do you think you need to have a large number of followers for certain content like projects and things that require/ask for participation? What would be a good number? Do you think leaving that type of comment is rude or is it just me? Let’s talk. Comment below.💖

Golden Pink Diary: Entry #1✍🏽


I invite all of you into my mind, raw and unscripted. This was not planned, this wasn’t drafted out first, this is me just speaking on how I’ve been feeling lately. This is me sharing with you all rather than shutting down like I normally do, especially in my personal life and relationships.

As I’m typing this, I look at the time and it is 11:11

In numerology 11 is a master number. A very powerful, intuitive number. Those with 11s in their charts (like myself) are usually here to be an inspirational guide and help raise spiritual awareness.

I felt a strong need to share this so some of you may be needing to read this. As you know, yesterday I didn’t post at all even though I had planned to. Monday, I posted but I really wasn’t in the blogging mood, I hadn’t been for a few days with everything going on. That is why I was or may still be behind on many of your blogs. I was giving myself a hard time, even feeling guilty. Not just because I didn’t blog but because of a lot of other issues in my life. But it’s time to stop beating ourselves up. It’s time to let go of the past and relax, let go of some of those burdens weighing down on your shoulders. Stop holding your breath– breath, take deep breaths and slow down. Be patient, be calm.

Hard work and patience is key. It will bring peace. But hard work doesn’t mean overworking. When we don’t complete our tasks it’s okay. It shows that we’re human, we aren’t machines or robots. Some days we won’t be as active and productive as others, some days we might not be feeling in the best mood and may need to step back.

Have you ever read the story The Tortoise and the Hare?
My message to myself and to everyone else is that slow and steady wins the race…

It’s okay to take your time, it’s okay to need your space, it’s okay to take a break. Do things at your own pace and you will achieve greatness. You will end up where you need to be, when you need to be.

If you’re working too hard, or trying to compete with everyone else some how to “keep up”…

You’re going to have a burn out. A burn out, for those who may not know is a state of emotional and physical exhaustion caused by overwork or stress.

Let your creativity and your life flow out in the most natural ways, don’t try to force or go against the flow. No i’m not saying get lazy, i’m saying just relax. If you work too hard you burn out, if you get lazy you miss out on a lot of opportunities coming your way so what do you do? You find a way to be in the middle. If you’re having some type of inspiration and you want to put something out there or you want to do something- Let it show, but if nothing is coming right now just be patient because the inspiration and motivation will come. It’s coming.

And know that you don’t have to keep changing directions out of fear, out of things not going the way you want/planned especially if you’re unsure. Be still when you’re unsure. Let your intuition and whatever it is that you really love doing guide you. You’re where you are for a reason.

Write down everything you need to let go of, everything that is holding you back just write it down, rip it up, burn it, submerge it in water. Do whatever you need to do to get rid of it because it can not come with you on this journey to success and true happiness. But after you complete that part of the ritual it isn’t over, you have to take action. You have to keep going. You don’t need to “run” and exhaust yourself, walk or jog through these obstacles. The finish line will be in the same place.

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To Survive..✨

Graphic images included.

Recently, I was nominated to do The Smile Tag. In the tag you’re supposed to post a few pictures of yourself smiling, or pictures that make you smile and a little about it. One of the pictures I shared was a picture of me smiling a few months after a terrible car accident. Looking back on it and reflecting on it briefly I decided I wanted to tell the full story of that day. I feel like it was significant enough and I will definitely never forget that life changing event.

On January 16, 2015 I woke up thinking it would be another normal day. The first thing I did was text my dad, who was out of town at the time, to tell him Happy Birthday! Most of the day consisted of hanging outside with my uncle and cousin. Around 6 PM we decided to go visit my uncle’s daughter. My cousin was getting tired so he fell asleep waiting for us to get ready. After I was ready, I saw my cousin asleep on his back, snoring with his mouth open lol I wanted to capture this to show him later so I opened my Ipad camera and started to record. The problem was I started recording on front face cam by accident and got myself for only a second. Obviously that isn’t what I wanted to capture so I stopped and then turned the camera facing my cousin and recorded. I didn’t want to wake him up but I knew he wanted to come with us. I’m so indecisive I stood for about 5-10 minutes just deciding on what I should do. Finally something told me to wake him up and I did.

We were in a small truck and I was sitting in the middle, by this time it was around 7:30 PM. My cousin was asleep on the passenger side with his head leaning against the window. For a second I look out of his window and was frozen in place at what I saw coming. I can’t remember the color of the van now, I believe white or gray but I can remember how fast it was coming towards us. There as no avoiding this accident. I thought it was going to be our last day…

“This is it. This is how my life ends and there is nothing I can do about it.” That was my exact thought in that exact moment. It all happened so quickly! I was accepting what I knew I had no control over. The strange thing about it was that I know it was meant to happen the way it did. If I had left without thinking for those few minutes If I should wake my cousin or not, maybe we would have passed that street way before the van got there. If we did somehow still meet with the van, the crash would have been a lot worse for us, but more specifically for me. I felt guilty for a little while because my cousin wouldn’t have been involved if it wasn’t for me. But life works in mysterious ways. I had to remind myself that he would be more hurt if that crash did take my life. The doctors said we were lucky to be so tightly seated together or the impact would have been far worse. We basically helped shield each other in a way. The van hit us on my cousins side. Which means he was waking up to being hit, imagine his fear and confusion. I was crawling out of his window because the door wouldn’t open and at the same time he was yelling at me to hurry. I think we were both frustrated, confused, and wanting to get out of the totaled truck. I was so confused I thought we were hit while turning a corner but we were actually going straight, and spun around.

When I got all the way out I didn’t even notice my injuries, I was just angry and yelling at the woman that hit us, she was freaking out. Apparently she didn’t even have a license or it was suspended. Something was the issue. My cousin and I both suffered from serious injuries and had to be rushed to the hospital. For one, his head was leaning against the window so he had pieces of glass stuck in different places on his face, arm, and hand. My nose was fractured, both eyes were swollen and black, with other lacerations and bruises on my knees, hands, and face including forehead and hairline area. I can still remember everyone around me telling me I needed to sit down because my face was covered in blood, and I literally mean covered! I felt the warmth coming down my face like thick tears but I didn’t feel any pain. I wasn’t worried about that, I was just angry and worried about my cousin who was laying on the ground screaming in pain. I ran to his side and asked him what hurts… He said “everything.” My uncle said I showed a lot of courage that day.

My dad had to fly in from New York on his Birthday. Of course he did’t care about that, he was just glad I was okay but still, that’s got to be a horrible birthday present. Hearing that your child is being rushed to the hospital. Not knowing how serious things are and if they’ll survive. I wondered the same but I did survive, I’m thankful we all survived. He was there by my side and held my hand as I got my stitches. I was afraid and he tried his best to keep me calm. It didn’t help that my doctor was nervous, it was his FIRST time doing stitches on the bridge of someones nose. Yes, he kind of stuck me the wrong way once, not too badly but he managed to safely get the procedure done. The hospital was kind of low on doctors and rooms, I was actually placed in the hallway so we had to take what we could get I guess. After surviving, I realized that if I hadn’t, I would have left this Earth unsatisfied with my life. It was definitely an eye opening moment.💕

If blood and bruises disturb you I suggest not reading any further.

Remember I mentioned taking a couple videos before we left? Here is a screenshot of those videos. You can also see the bruising on my legs. Notice the amount of seconds taken for each of the 2 videos though. My video was 1 second, my cousins video was 16 seconds. 1.16= January 16th. This was not planned and I didn’t notice it until we were back home from the hospital. The last shot of us before the wreck with the seconds equal to the date. Weird right? Guess it’s just another strange coincidence. Again, life is so mysterious.

My 1 second video was so awkward and I’m glad I don’t have those lopsided glasses anymore, lol!

but…😢 (beware the below pictures)

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Here’s where it get’s graphic… Not a pretty sight just a warning, but it shows my healing process.

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I was also dealing with a lot of insecurities at this time. I wasn’t happy with the large size of my nose, forehead, the bags under my eyes or even my smile and this often made me have negative thoughts about my appearance when looking in the mirror or taking pictures. I didn’t feel beautiful. Or maybe I didn’t feel like the standard of beauty. People often make fun of you if you have a big forehead (“5 head as the teens call it in school”) or big nose. Ironically, these features I disliked so much were the main ones to get damaged during the car accident. I thought to myself, “now I really won’t be pretty enough.” But everyone kept telling me I would heal so quickly and I started realizing that I had been taking life and myself for granted. Appearance should be the least of worries. We all have imperfections, we all experience tragedy but those imperfections and tragedies make us who we are.They make us unique. Unique is beautiful! Life is beautiful! Life is also short…So stop taking it for granted.

This is just a weird doodle I made on SnapChat during that time.

The last 2 pictures are from today. You can see that I still have the scars but they’re very faint, you can only see them this well up close. Sometimes I wish they would completely fade but then again, I’m glad I have the reminder of a life changing event. Although it was tragic, I was forced to accept myself for who I was inside AND OUT (you’ll know more about this when I talk about my hair journey.) I was forced to see that beauty is so much more than features. I was forced to realize that I needed to make changes in my life for the better. So in the end, things weren’t so tragic after all. I want you to know that if you’re going through anything right now, you will survive.✨

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