We Can Be The Change

Please take the time to read this. Please take the time to take responsibility and take action in making a positive change in this world. We can do SOMETHING.✨

Dreaming of Guatemala

There have been a lot of very negative things going on in the world recently … but I’ve realized what the best step for all of us to take is. There is something we can all be doing to make this world a better place, even if that difference is significantly small. By taking on one small random act of kindness at a time, we can do so much in the ways of being the change we wish to see in the world.❤ Please keep reading to learn more.

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When times of terror greatly affect us and cause us to fear forour protection, anxiety begins to take root within us. It’s the natural reaction; it is frightening to know what people are capable of, and how we might one day be personallyaffected by this hatred and evil. The thought of our own safety, as well as those that…

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Heartbreaking…💔

This first post I’ll be posting today is a little on the sad side. I wanted to speak a little on the tragic Manchester event that happened this past Monday. I had a constant battle with myself this morning whether I was going to speak on a certain point in this event or even speak out about it at all. I decided it was too hard to go unnoticed. 

Anong the 22 victims that were killed there were 2 that really stood out to me for specific reasons. One being the 8 year old little girl… That’s right 8 years old!!!! The other being the first victim identified: Georgina Callander, 18.

Georgina had actually met Ariana Grande, her favorite singer, 2 years before!

On her Twitter page, there were also some chilling tweets she had posted before it all occurred dating back to 2016. The tweets and her account have since gone viral. Take a look



Now some people may think it’s just a few coincidental tweets. Some may even think it’s fake. These are not photoshopped tweets, you can go to the page yourself and view them along with her best friend confirming that Georgina was a victim and this is in fact her Twitter account. Celebrities also! A few cast memebers from Once Upon A Time met her recently and they took several photos. You can see one of the photosbas her default image. Georgina was a huge fan. 

I always have to make little connections to everything in life and this is one of them. This was no coincidence. Life is so mysterious that it’s scary. Of course she didn’t know what would happen but the fact that those were the words she chose, and her precious life was actually taken at this concert she was so excited to attend is too much for me to ignore. This stuck with me all night. They say everything happens for a reason but what reason is this??? What is the reason for any of these tragic events that occur?! Why do things like this KEEP happening? Yes some people are f’d up in the head and they commit these crimes but there’s more to it all! There’s got to be.

Are there any real ways to prevent these things happening ever again?It’s hard to have these questions that we’ll never have answered. It’s hard to wonder when and what is going to happen next. It’s hard to wonder which of our loved ones lives, or just innocent lives in general will be taken. Our world is so beautiful, yet so scary at the same time.

What was supposed to be an epic night of fun, turned to a horrible tragedy. We’re going to start being afraid to go anywhere. We can’t even send young children out to enjoy themselves without something happening??? Prayers go out to EVERY victim involved or affected!😢

You’re all truly in my heart❤️

#PersonifyME: Lauren Kelly

I had to reblog this because It felt like something I would write! It spoke to me deeply and if I could put into words how I feel with all of these emotions inside of me, pain aching to be let out.. these are the words that would come out.

Mindfump.

Enjoying the blog? like the page on facebook – or else.
There is a girl of rage that sits within me. She has become like a caged animal, for I do not let her speak, and it infuriates her. She storms around her cell, screaming, swearing, punching, kicking. She’s out of control, so I must control her.
She’s the one that contains all of the abuse, the pain, the anger. For years she’s taken it silently, she never fought back, she didn’t know how. But there’s only so much you can take, before finally, you snap. She has snapped, and she is full of vengeance.
As I keep my mouth shut, it is like I feel her fists banging on the back of my teeth to open up and let her out. Like a dragon desperate to breathe its fire. My body is the cage, and I feel her rage…

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The Mystery Blogger Award

Hey all! I’m finally getting to another award. Awards pile in one after another don’t they? No complaints, this is another reason the WordPress community is so friendly and encouraging. Today, I’m going to be doing the Mystery Blogger Award for the first time:) Special thanks to Janah from Wander Summer for nominating me. Check out her blog if you haven’t already and give a follow. Make sure to read her About The Author section, it’s so nicely written! Also a huge thank you to Okoto for creating this award.

BLOG RULES:

  • Thank whoever nominated you and provide a link to their blog.
  • Mention the creator of the award and provide a link as well.
  • Tell your readers 3 things about yourself.
  • Answer the questions from the nominator.
  • Nominate 10-20 people.
  • Notify your nominees by commenting on their blog.
  • Ask your nominees any 5 questions of your choice.
  • Share a link to your best post(s).

THREE THINGS ABOUT MYSELF:

For some reason it’s always hard to come up with interesting facts about yourself lol, especially if you can’t remember if you’ve already told that fact. I’ll do my best…

  1. I wrote a rhyming short story (50 parts) a couple of years ago on Facebook and Wattpad that did pretty well. Thousands of people read this story, some are even waiting for me to do an update or put out a book. It’s only a draft but the full draft is complete. It’s not as inspiring as my other short stories I’ve posted, it has crime, love, foul language and maybe a few disturbing parts. But it does tell a story people can relate to, people can relate with the characters. It doesn’t end badly:) I may share it here one day.
  2. I once got in trouble in 3rd grade for selling bubblegum to classmates lol. I only got caught because a girl got mad I wouldn’t give her any for free, and decided to steal some from my lunchbox. Didn’t she know the saying nothing in life is free? I was hustling for my 50 cents a piece😂 The teacher had to get involved to find out why she was stealing. She also got in trouble and had to give my gum back, but I know she still kept a few pieces! I knew how much I had! Lol. Funny times.
  3. In 5th grade I was a talent show host (had to audition for this, I believe there was 2-3 of us that made it) We were told to wear something nice but I was a cheerleader and also had to participate in a cheer routine for the show. I hosted in my cheerleader outfit which teachers wasn’t so happy about. Shrugs. Didn’t they know I wasn’t a celebrity and had no practice or help changing quickly?

MY BEST POSTS:

Janah’s QUESTIONS:

  1. What’s the story behind your blog name? I actually did a whole post about this when I first started my blog:) Behind The Name although many people haven’t read it because again, it’s when I first started.
  2. What’s that one song you love to sing in the shower? I don’t normally sing in the shower lol. I have before but it’s been a while so I can’t remember any of the songs.
  3. What’s the first thing you would do during a zombie apocalypse? Honestly, probably freak out??? lol gather up some weapons, food, water, safe shelter. Call loved ones to see if they are okay, tun on the news lol IDK!
  4. Name the first thing that comes to your mind when hear the word misogyny. The First thing that comes to my mind is monogamy (I guess because they look and sound similar) they obviously have 2 very different meanings though.
  5. On a scale of 1 to 5 (1 being the highest, 5 the lowest), how good are you at Internet Slang? LOL IDK! Maybe 3 lol? Try to go in between there.

MY QUESTIONS:

  1. What’s the first color you think of when you think of Summer?
  2. How would you finish this sentence? “I suddenly hear my front door open, which is strange because I live alone and I had just locked the door minutes before. When I peep around the corner I _____________”
  3. Do you like brussel sprouts?
  4. What’s your thought on a Summer fling?
  5. If you HAD to switch lives with either Kim K, Kylie Jenner, Barak Obama, or Donald Trump, who would you choose? (You can not change their personality or life, you become them)

MY NOMINEES:

I am going to nominate only five blogs for now.

I hope to see your answers, but as always take your time and don’t feel obligated.💕

Short Story Saturday!

This weeks story will be written for you to read but please listen to the audio in the link below to hear it, there will also be a part 2 with me explaining the story in the next post, Inspiration of the day. Stay tuned.

Permanent Decisions Audio

Permanent Decisions

Yesterday I woke up in my bedroom looking at the gray walls I saw and felt like everyday. I immediately wanted to go back to sleep, a permanent sleep. Most days I feel angry, sad, worthless, and helpless. But my feelings and pain on this morning was heightened. 

I can remember my mom being upset with me before she left for work because I was going to be late for school. All she did was work. My father was off being a father elsewhere. To top all of the family issues, I also dealt with insecurity. I was never the prettiest in a group and barely noticed in school. If I was noticed it was only because I was being made fun of. Sometimes I was even physically pushed out of the way.

I decided to log onto Facebook where I see a picture of a few popular girls and guys and I notice I am in the background. I appear lost and out of place. I read the comments that say, “who is that weird girl in the back?” “She’s ruining the pic, shes not very photogenic.”

And then… “Why is she even there?”

I think to myself, right. Why am I there? Why am I here?

There’s nothing good happening in my life ever! No one notices me anyway, when I am noticed I’m not wanted, I’m never good enough, I’m tired, I’m not happy. I never was.

The day went on, night came again then morning and I woke up feeling different. 

I was happy, but also felt very confused.

I woke up in my bedroom again, only this time my mom wasn’t upset with me. She was sitting at the edge of my bed crying. When I asked her what was wrong she only cried more. She wouldn’t answer or even look at me. I picked up my phone and logged into Facebook again, I see the same picture from yesterday with me in the background, only this time I am smiling and the comments are different. 

“Who was she?” 

“What did she do?”

“She doesn’t look unhappy, she was pretty.”

“That’s not the way to go.”

“WE made her do it. It’s our fault.”

And then… “Rest In Peace.”

I asked my mother again, yelling even for her to answer me. Finally she says,

“I love you so much. You were so loved, why would you do this? I’m not mad, I just wish you would have told me something. I wish you were here right now so I could hug you and we could talk. I wish I was here more when you were. I’m so sorry.”

I move towards the edge with my mother and notice in her hands- my funeral arrangements being scheduled.

I now remember what I have done. I immediately regret it but it doesn’t matter. Today nothing I feel will matter again, only that I have made the ones I love feel it too.

I’m sorry, I wish I could come back! I wish I could tell you I love you too and I didn’t mean to do it I was just so hurt and in so much pain at the time. I wish I would have just talked to you to tell you exactly how I felt, everything that was going on killing me inside. But now it’s too late.

Please don’t do what I did. You still have a chance. I wish I could stop everyone from doing what I did. Remind them all that they still have a chance! I thought I couldn’t get through it but I know that they can.

Please never forget me.

Goodbye.

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Motherless/Fatherless Children…

Deep

I had always considered myself to be a motherless child. I feel that even if I were to have had an adopted mother, I would still feel somewhat motherless. Only because my real or birth mother would be out there somewhere and gave me away.

I had no idea what I was going to post today. I thought I would just casually search for some quotes that spoke something to me directly and share it with you guys. Well, I was casually watching some YouTube videos and I came across one that I had to click on. It was a story time video on being adopted. I was curious because this is a young girl I recently subscribed to after seeing her natural hair big chop (I am a natural hair gal myself) and watched a few of her others. At the time I must have missed this video because had I seen it when I first viewed her channel, I’m sure I would have clicked!

She is mixed and I did see her adopted mother (white woman) on one of her vlogs, who I thought was her birth mother so I wanted to hear her story.

I am not adopted but I was in foster care ate a very young age, from the time I was about 5 years old, until turning 7. My mother was only a part of my life when I was way too young to remember. All I have are pictures and those don’t even seem real to me. I also know that I have 3 other brothers, one older who was in the foster home with me, but had to stay longer (he is out now) because my father was not his biological father,  (my father got me out of the system) and 2 younger that my mother gave up for adoption. I don’t know if I will ever meet them but I hope when they turn 18 they will want to search. That’s if they even know that they are adopted…

What really touched me about her story and it actually made me cry, was that it’s so similar to mine. Her parents were involved with drugs and alcohol, had children they couldn’t take care of and this led to the children being separated and placed in the system. She has siblings she may never meet and always has to wonder if they are being taken care of if they’re okay. She has to wonder why her parents would choose drugs and alcohol over their own children, and honestly it’s just that those drugs are that powerful. You aren’t yourself when you’re high and addicted so it’s best to just stay away from it, which isn’t easy sometimes but lets not get into that…

There are some questions she can’t answer because she doesn’t know her background other than what she is mixed with. These are the same thoughts I have.  I don’t really know my mother’s side of the family. My father was not a drug addict but she was. She’s still alive and I have gotten to meet her twice but it’s not the same as her just always being there. She is a stranger. Both times she had a chance to finally make a difference and chose not to… My father couldn’t take care of me and my sisters on his own he needed help so I was bounced around to different homes and family members. With everything going on in the world I have to wonder if my little brothers are safe, or when they have children will I be able to know my nieces/nephews. Do they know they have a big sister who loves and thinks about them all the time despite never meeting them?

In the video she talks about not being mad at her parents, she’s just disappointed and feels they made a mistake. She talks about being thankful for her adopted mother and where she is now because this woman raised her and would never neglect or give her away, and if she hadn’t been adopted who knows where she could have ended up? An environment like that is no place for a child. Of course everyday I wish I could be with my mom, but we’re placed where we are for reasons. I am not mad at her, I still hope she does change before its too late, but being with her while she was doing drugs would not have been good for me, no matter how bad I think my life was without her. I often wonder what my life would be like if I grew up with both my parents, or if I were adopted because that came close. Or even If I was the one given away at birth like my brothers… But that isn’t my story, that wasn’t meant to be my story. I have to realize where I am now and accept it. I can hope and pray for a miracle but I cant keep thinking about the what ifs. My life is not the best, but it’s also not terrible either. What we go through and how we handle those situations is what makes us who we are. I probably wouldn’t have much to write about if it weren’t for things like this so i’m grateful for the gift and how wise i’ve come to be. I’m thankful for my dad for working so hard and not giving up on me. I’m thankful to be able to sit here and share this story to whoever may read it and feel something, and take something from it.

I know what it’s like being a motherless child, so when/if I ever have children, as long as it’s in my control- I will make sure they don’t.

CLICK HERE TO WATCH THE VIDEO.

 

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Blog Updates!

Good morning everyone!

Today I have a few updates to share with you all starting with the daily inspiration posts, this is something I wanted to try out to see how it goes and so far it’s doing well! However, I will only continue it for a month. May 12th will be the last daily inspiration post but that doesn’t mean the inspiration in my posts will stop! It’s not easy searching for a great quote every day that does not sound similar to others so, I’d much rather post according to how I’m feeling and not feel obligated to do something specific every day.

More Updates and Series

  • I have started a YouTube channel for my guinea pigs- I want to start a personal channel but I figured I’d see how this goes first. That way I don’t waste time putting myself out there on video and then end up not liking it much. So for now, if you love animals please head over to PiggieVidi TV and subscribe! First full episode will be up before the day is over.
  • I will be active on social media again! (Instagram & Twitter) Follow if you haven’t already and I will be sure to follow back. Instagram Twitter
  • Fun Friday will continue! This Friday look forward to another apartment Find It game! This time we will use the kitchen.
  • I have been slowly re-designing my blog! Visit my site and stay tuned to see all the changes.
  • Those DIY projects are coming! Not just apartment decor either. We’re getting there slowly but surly. I’ve got a lot to show you all. I recently made a baby shower corsage for my cousin who is having twin boys soon! I’ll be sure to show you all the finished product when it’s complete.
  • Short Story Saturday’s! I think this series is going to be my favorite. Every Saturday (on audio) I will post a short story or tell a story. The stories will often be fiction but there will be some based on my own life. I will post the audio link in the post. Eventually this will be moved to YouTube or some other platform.
  • To kick it off, I’m going to post the first Short Story Saturday post today on a Monday! Think of this as an ad or trailer. This one is actually a poem I wrote a while back but still a story is told. Please listen in the link below. Let me know what you think and if you’ll be interested in these story series.

Beauty & Love (Short Story Saturday Audio)


Special thanks to this beautiful young lady for letting me use her picture for this a while ago. Find her on Instagram and twitter @AriannaModels 

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