So sad and drained from the past but so happy to be back. I’ve missed blogging so much and it feels like it’s been much longer than a week since my last post. There’s always so much going on and this time I just needed to step back for a moment. Take a breather. It led me to the break before I became broken. That’s what I’m calling my week long break.
I’m that one friend/family member that everyone come to for advice on personal problems, I’m the one that people come to when they just need someone to listen to their problems, someone who won’t immediately judge or be too hard on them. I’m the one that people are just usually most comfortable coming to.
I love this I really do, it let’s me know that I’m here for a greater purpose. It let’s me know that what I believe my purpose to be is true. I love inspiring, and being there for others to vent to, that’s exactly what I’ve been doing! It makes me feel good to know that people can trust me that much.
At the same time it can be very overwhelming, draining, and stressful. Sometimes I need to take a step back because as much as I’m trying to be there for everyone else
I’m neglecting myself.
I think a few people have even gotten too comfortable and selfish without realizing it. I can be there for you only as much as I’m physically and emotionally able to, but understand that I have my problems too… Yet I’ve constantly put them aside for everyone else.
At some point I have to recharge.
At some point I have to give myself a chance to heal.
People have said I should consider being a counselor or psychologist but that’s the exact reason I’m not interested, it would be way too draining and stressful for me. I think I need one myself actually, and I’d be so focused on my patients, a counselor should be focused on their patient but there has to be a balance. Lately I’ve been out of balance neglecting my own wellbeing. I also did end up getting sick last week so there’s that. But no, it’s never ending. Unfortunately my friend went through something very traumatic and I needed to be there for her regardless of the things I’ve been going through. She really had no one else and I know exactly how that feels. If you remember from my To Do Lists last week, we had already made plans to hang out and catch up, we just didn’t know it would happen in the way that it did. It’s not my place to share her personal business so that’s not what I’m here to do, but I will be hoping and praying that things get better soon for everyone involved.
Everyone seems to be having a hard time. But not too many people seem to be understanding of the others situation or position.
Sometimes life just makes you question what you’ve done to deserve certain things, or what the lessen you’re supposed to learn is because it usually doesn’t make much sense at first. As much as you’re tired of hearing it, I’m tired of saying it but it’s true- life is short. It’s also unpredictable.
You never know what’s going to happen, when, or to who. That’s why we shouldn’t be taking life for granted, having petty arguments, or holding grudges but of course, we’re human. We’re not perfect and we have feelings, we have tainted thoughts. We’re trying.
At least I am.
Father’s Day was Sunday. I knew I probably wouldn’t see my dad, I mentioned that. He works a lot, sometimes in different states. Sometimes it’s hard to reach him at all. But I mentioned that I knew we would still talk if only a moment. We did. He told me that my sisters took him out to eat and that he wished I was there. It kind of hurt a little for different reasons but mainly because I wondered why my sisters didn’t reach out to me. They know I don’t drive so I wouldn’t have been able to on my own and it wasn’t just some party I didn’t want to attend. Then I realized that I couldn’t remember celebrating any Fathers Day either. I grew up in foster care and with other family members, everyone but my parents. It wasn’t his fault. He had to be away and work so much because of my mom. My sisters were older and had their own mom. I guess what happens in the past kind of sets the tone for the future. I don’t know, my family has always been odd. Myself included yes of course, but I love my father and sisters with every part of me. Regardless of how odd our relationship is and I know they feel the same.
While all of this was going on I was still working on a project, a group project actually. I could have said I wouldn’t be participating because I wasn’t feeling well but that would leave my other group members a partner short, it also seemed like it would be fun so I stayed in. Working in groups isn’t everyone’s strong point I know. People clash, not everyone will agree on ideas, some people may want to be in charge of everything, things can get out of hand quick. This group project proved that immensely. I didn’t think we would even be able to work together but guess what? Things can also quickly turn around. We had a very rough start but we were able to put the differences aside and let teamwork and maturity take place. We put some great ideas together and came up with something nice I think! That’s all that matters, that something negative could still be turned into a positive. That’s the mindset I’m trying to keep in my life. It hasn’t been easy but I never expected it to be. I just have to keep going even when obstacles slow me down a while.
I have a few updates coming in the morning.💗