Hey everyone! How’s your weekend going so far??
Mine is going to be a bit busy but I wanted to get SSS posted so I wouldn’t be worrying about it later. Today’s story is a true story, the story of my first love/first heart break.
The reason I’m telling both is because it was the same guy. You can read, or you can listen to my audio recording of the story. I’m still working on this, I’m not perfect I mess up so It’s pretty long. If you have 20 minutes to spare, have a listen:) My first love/heartbreak.
Now let’s get into it!
This happened freshman year of high school. I’ll call him Charles for the story. That’s not his real name but I’m not hear to drop identities.
Anyway, Charles and I went to the same middle school but we never spoke back then. Honestly I don’t think we really noticed each other. We went to separate high schools but had a mutual friend. One day we were texting (my friend and I) and she tells me that Charles wants my number he wants to talk. I guess she told him she was talking to me or something? I can’t remember but this was basically a set up because she was way too excited lol she wanted us to like each other and be together so bad.
But I allowed her to give my number to see where exactly things were going.
I can’t remember how those first texts went but I do know that we instantly clicked. We would text all day and night, laughing and smiling literally. At that moment, I never wanted to end the bond. It was rare for me because I’ve always been so shy and reserved. I was still shy with him, just not nearly as much.
The problem was when the feelings came. He actually had a girlfriend at the time but told me he grew feelings for me. He told me they were always arguing and she had another boyfriend or something. I don’t know. (She was a grade below us. They went to separate schools also) It was just too much going on and crazy! I told him I didn’t want to be involved in that type of drama. If he was going to be with her, be with her with no feelings for me. Even though that would hurt.
Honestly I hoped they would finally break up, I was a teenage stalker stalking both of their MySpace pages and neither one seemed to be happy with the other. There was no reason for that to carry on.
She eventually wrote me a message! Yes, a bold girl she was lol. In that message she told me she knows about Charles and I, and that I shouldn’t get my hopes up because they’re only taking a short break. Wow!
I wasn’t rude in my reply, I didn’t have to reply at all but I basically wished the best for them.
They officially broke up shortly after. Don’t ask me, I don’t know what happened. Maybe he was upset at her contacting me? Isn’t that how it usually goes? Or maybe she was the one too upset.
We didn’t get together right away. I was happy that he wasn’t attached to someone else anymore but I had to be sure. I would feel like a fool if he left me to get back with her.
In the end we were both made fools.
After a couple of months talking, he finally made things official. I had been ready longer I was just waiting for him.
I remember I was on the bus on my way to school when I got the message. That was the best day of freshman year for me lol I probably annoyed my best friend talking so much about him.
The months were full of laughter and happiness. My heart was feeling something and I thought it was love. Apparently we both did. He said it first. We even had our own little way of expressing how much, we would say “I love you 5ever” corny right? Back then it was the cutest thing ever in my mind. We had a ton of memories like this I guess you could call them couple insiders?
Since we didn’t go to the same school and I had a strict parent and aunt we had to see each other on weekends, at the skating rink. I would go with my best friend and meet him there. She wasn’t a 3rd wheel because she was very popular, she always knew someone or had someone with her plus I stayed with her majority of the time. I never learned how to skate and I’m not much of a dancer so sometimes Charles would be out dancing and skating and we’d be watching and talking. I remember him coming over to the wall to kiss me once and then going back to the dance floor. I also remember slow dancing with him there which was my favorite moment we shared. I didn’t want that night to end and I didn’t want us to end. I have a cousin who went to his high school so sometimes we would write letters to each other and she was our mail delivery lady lol. The idea was mine so that we could keep in touch closer than the phone on weekdays. I know that sounds kind of, not cool but I really love and appreciate her for that!
We both kept our letters for years! I lost my collection of his first. I was so sad! He kept his collection under his mattress and they got ruined while cleaning one day.
It did come to an end. On his birthday!
This is where I talk about my first heart break…
It was 12 AM and I had just sent him a very happy, loving happy bday message. You’d think my response would be a thank you or something but no. Instead I got “I’m sorry but this isn’t working out.” Something along those lines.
Wth??? Out of nowhere? It had to be a joke or a dream is what I thought. I kept questioning him in total disbelief. But he never said just kidding and I never woke up from a nightmare. It was reality. He was really that cruel.
My poor teenage heart.💔 I went outside so upset (remember it’s after midnight) called my best friend to tell her what had happened and she was just saying “omg that’s messed up, you better not be crying” etc…
I wasn’t crying but I wanted to. I was in shock and disbelief still so I couldn’t.
Literally a few days, maybe a week goes by and he has a NEW girlfriend!!
His excuse was we didn’t feel like a couple because I was shy and he couldn’t see me that much. Wow. My best friend was probably more upset than I was, she actually wrote the new girl! I won’t mention the words she had for her because they weren’t nice obviously. She was just being a friend to me.
Even when he was with the new girl I didn’t feel things were right. We seemed so close, didn’t argue, he seemed so into me I couldn’t understand. It confused me more because he didn’t cut me off, we still talked. It was hard on me but I had hope. A couple of months go by then he told me he wasn’t even attracted to her, that his best friend made him break up with me so they could date sisters!
How can someone make you do that? Especially if you “love” that person.
I didn’t know what to think or believe but they broke up so I thought he may have been telling the truth. Unfortunately I had already moved on and my new relationship was already longer than the one with him. All the feelings came rushing back, if they were ever gone but I decided I couldn’t leave someone who hasn’t left me for someone that already has.
Charles said I caused him to have trust issues because I told him we’d get back together I just needed time to figure things out. Well. Things happen, things change. He should know that.
The new relationship lasted almost 5 years and Charles was still around trying for at least half of that time.
I have no hard feelings for him. Things just weren’t meant to be and if I had found my soulmate that young, what would I have really got to experience and learn? We probably would have had problems or broken up eventually. I know it’s possible but I just feel like you haven’t experienced life at that age so you don’t really know exactly what you want, especially out of a partner for the rest of your life. We actually talked a few years ago in a friendly manner but It’s true…. You don’t know what you have until it’s gone. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side, and you shouldn’t take things or people for granted. Because you won’t always be able to get it back when you miss it or when you realize your mistakes. If you have someone you really love and care about hold onto them💕
Song used in audio: Aaliyah – The One I Gave My Heart To
How old were you when you experienced your first love/heartbreak? Let me know in the comments. Also, do you like the new image? I have a few I made, i’m still deciding on which one but I think it’s my favorite so far.