To Survive..✨

Graphic images included.

Recently, I was nominated to do The Smile Tag. In the tag you’re supposed to post a few pictures of yourself smiling, or pictures that make you smile and a little about it. One of the pictures I shared was a picture of me smiling a few months after a terrible car accident. Looking back on it and reflecting on it briefly I decided I wanted to tell the full story of that day. I feel like it was significant enough and I will definitely never forget that life changing event.

On January 16, 2015 I woke up thinking it would be another normal day. The first thing I did was text my dad, who was out of town at the time, to tell him Happy Birthday! Most of the day consisted of hanging outside with my uncle and cousin. Around 6 PM we decided to go visit my uncle’s daughter. My cousin was getting tired so he fell asleep waiting for us to get ready. After I was ready, I saw my cousin asleep on his back, snoring with his mouth open lol I wanted to capture this to show him later so I opened my Ipad camera and started to record. The problem was I started recording on front face cam by accident and got myself for only a second. Obviously that isn’t what I wanted to capture so I stopped and then turned the camera facing my cousin and recorded. I didn’t want to wake him up but I knew he wanted to come with us. I’m so indecisive I stood for about 5-10 minutes just deciding on what I should do. Finally something told me to wake him up and I did.

We were in a small truck and I was sitting in the middle, by this time it was around 7:30 PM. My cousin was asleep on the passenger side with his head leaning against the window. For a second I look out of his window and was frozen in place at what I saw coming. I can’t remember the color of the van now, I believe white or gray but I can remember how fast it was coming towards us. There as no avoiding this accident. I thought it was going to be our last day…

“This is it. This is how my life ends and there is nothing I can do about it.” That was my exact thought in that exact moment. It all happened so quickly! I was accepting what I knew I had no control over. The strange thing about it was that I know it was meant to happen the way it did. If I had left without thinking for those few minutes If I should wake my cousin or not, maybe we would have passed that street way before the van got there. If we did somehow still meet with the van, the crash would have been a lot worse for us, but more specifically for me. I felt guilty for a little while because my cousin wouldn’t have been involved if it wasn’t for me. But life works in mysterious ways. I had to remind myself that he would be more hurt if that crash did take my life. The doctors said we were lucky to be so tightly seated together or the impact would have been far worse. We basically helped shield each other in a way. The van hit us on my cousins side. Which means he was waking up to being hit, imagine his fear and confusion. I was crawling out of his window because the door wouldn’t open and at the same time he was yelling at me to hurry. I think we were both frustrated, confused, and wanting to get out of the totaled truck. I was so confused I thought we were hit while turning a corner but we were actually going straight, and spun around.

When I got all the way out I didn’t even notice my injuries, I was just angry and yelling at the woman that hit us, she was freaking out. Apparently she didn’t even have a license or it was suspended. Something was the issue. My cousin and I both suffered from serious injuries and had to be rushed to the hospital. For one, his head was leaning against the window so he had pieces of glass stuck in different places on his face, arm, and hand. My nose was fractured, both eyes were swollen and black, with other lacerations and bruises on my knees, hands, and face including forehead and hairline area. I can still remember everyone around me telling me I needed to sit down because my face was covered in blood, and I literally mean covered! I felt the warmth coming down my face like thick tears but I didn’t feel any pain. I wasn’t worried about that, I was just angry and worried about my cousin who was laying on the ground screaming in pain. I ran to his side and asked him what hurts… He said “everything.” My uncle said I showed a lot of courage that day.

My dad had to fly in from New York on his Birthday. Of course he did’t care about that, he was just glad I was okay but still, that’s got to be a horrible birthday present. Hearing that your child is being rushed to the hospital. Not knowing how serious things are and if they’ll survive. I wondered the same but I did survive, I’m thankful we all survived. He was there by my side and held my hand as I got my stitches. I was afraid and he tried his best to keep me calm. It didn’t help that my doctor was nervous, it was his FIRST time doing stitches on the bridge of someones nose. Yes, he kind of stuck me the wrong way once, not too badly but he managed to safely get the procedure done. The hospital was kind of low on doctors and rooms, I was actually placed in the hallway so we had to take what we could get I guess. After surviving, I realized that if I hadn’t, I would have left this Earth unsatisfied with my life. It was definitely an eye opening moment.💕

If blood and bruises disturb you I suggest not reading any further.

Remember I mentioned taking a couple videos before we left? Here is a screenshot of those videos. You can also see the bruising on my legs. Notice the amount of seconds taken for each of the 2 videos though. My video was 1 second, my cousins video was 16 seconds. 1.16= January 16th. This was not planned and I didn’t notice it until we were back home from the hospital. The last shot of us before the wreck with the seconds equal to the date. Weird right? Guess it’s just another strange coincidence. Again, life is so mysterious.

My 1 second video was so awkward and I’m glad I don’t have those lopsided glasses anymore, lol!

but…😢 (beware the below pictures)

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Here’s where it get’s graphic… Not a pretty sight just a warning, but it shows my healing process.

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I was also dealing with a lot of insecurities at this time. I wasn’t happy with the large size of my nose, forehead, the bags under my eyes or even my smile and this often made me have negative thoughts about my appearance when looking in the mirror or taking pictures. I didn’t feel beautiful. Or maybe I didn’t feel like the standard of beauty. People often make fun of you if you have a big forehead (“5 head as the teens call it in school”) or big nose. Ironically, these features I disliked so much were the main ones to get damaged during the car accident. I thought to myself, “now I really won’t be pretty enough.” But everyone kept telling me I would heal so quickly and I started realizing that I had been taking life and myself for granted. Appearance should be the least of worries. We all have imperfections, we all experience tragedy but those imperfections and tragedies make us who we are.They make us unique. Unique is beautiful! Life is beautiful! Life is also short…So stop taking it for granted.

This is just a weird doodle I made on SnapChat during that time.

The last 2 pictures are from today. You can see that I still have the scars but they’re very faint, you can only see them this well up close. Sometimes I wish they would completely fade but then again, I’m glad I have the reminder of a life changing event. Although it was tragic, I was forced to accept myself for who I was inside AND OUT (you’ll know more about this when I talk about my hair journey.) I was forced to see that beauty is so much more than features. I was forced to realize that I needed to make changes in my life for the better. So in the end, things weren’t so tragic after all. I want you to know that if you’re going through anything right now, you will survive.✨

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15 thoughts on “To Survive..✨

  1. What a scary situation, my dear. I have been there but my accident was not as severe. But right before we heat the concrete highway separation I really though we were going to die and what it would cause my mother. You have such a beautiful face and smile! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hello Lee, it is strong of you to pen down your story. It is filled with strength, courage and hope. Reading your post is a such a beautiful start to my day. Certainly, you will survive any challenges you may face, and also conquer them. Wishing you all the happiness. I am so glad that I read your post. Take care, stay happy, Beautiful!

    Liked by 1 person

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